Author Archives: Kris

Shh. The Ads Are Watching You.

Remember that scene in Minority Report, where Tom Cruise walks through the mall of the future, and retinal scans trigger the holographic billboards along the walls to call his name, and do some seriously targeted advertising?

No? Well, OK, here it is:

This scene is one of my favorites in Minority Report, since this kind of intrusive technology seems just over the horizon, and that the ideas behind it, at least, are already here, in Google Adwords, or the banners of dancing mortgage refinanciers who know where you live.

Then today, in my work inbox, . . .

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The Grandest Little Szechuan Restaurant in the Twin Cities

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably heard of Little Szechuan, which was, until very recently, the best Chinese restaurant in the Twin Cities.

Either Pulao or I have talked to you about it or, even more likely, you’ve sat at a table there with us. In fact, considering the readership of 12apostrophes, there is a very good chance you were with us at Grand Szechuan last night.

Little Szechuan, in St. Paul, was a magical place. There I was introduced to things that I now cannot live without, like the Dan Dan Noodle, and the Szechuan peppercorn.

I became part . . .

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Caption Contest #13

Once in my car, a wise-ass, kicking some Aquafina bottles out of his way in the back seat, said “Wow. You guys really like water.”

This car is trashed.

The people who own this car really like everything.

As always, come up with a funny caption for this picture.

The Unviewed Review: Transformers 2

I haven’t actually seen Transformers 2 — in fact, no one has, as it’s not out yet. Or maybe it’s out now?

Anyhow, a few missing details is no good reason for failing to write a quality review.

Transformers 2: Rise of the Robots starts out as a small, empty movie, and never quite becomes the whiz-bang giant robot you came to see.

Which brings me to an interesting question: how does a tiny car become a humungoid robot? I mean, how is the mass of a city-crushing machine with its head in the clouds packed into a VW beetle? . . .

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Dental Hyginks

Until the other day, I hadn’t been to the dentist in a long time. Like a long long time. Like such a long time I have trouble translating the true length of my dental hiatus into language. When I finally did go the other day, my new dental hygienist asked me how long it had been:

“A long time,” I said.

“How long?” she asked.

“Years, actually.”

“How many years?”

“Oh I don’t remember,” I lied.

“Like five years? Or ten years?”

“Probably between five and ten years,” I lied again.

Like I said, these aren’t words that come easily. . . .

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