Category Archives: Unviewed Reviews

The Unviewed Review: Harry Potter and Half a Blood Prince

On July 15, everyone’s favorite youthful necromancer this side of Mickey’s Apprentice, returns for another enchanting installment. The hilarity begins when a wicked school marm, in league with the mighty Wormawort, who if you believe the bumper stickers is widely supported by Republicans, punishes Harry’s entire class for turning the chalkboard eraser into a toad.

In the previous 13 installments of this series, Harry has had to learn tough lessons on his way to otherworldly wizardry. Now, however, as we begin the next eighteen-part chapter of this long awaited series, Harry emerges as the ensorcelling hocus-poser we’ve all . . .

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The Unviewed Review: Basterd Reveux

It is in the spirit of Kris’s illuminating review of Transformers Deux that I offer my inaugural post on 12apostrophes: my take on the latest Tarantino film I have not seen…

It is with much anticipation that moovygoers await Quentin Terentino’s new film, Inglourious Basterds. In this latest offring from the qwerky cineaste, Braed Pit leads a teem of Jewish-‘merican soldeurs who are sent on a mission into occupyed France to brutalize n kill n scalp Nazis. Inglourious pays frommage to both New Waive cinema and the bahsghetti-western tradition. Indeed, watching Inglourious is like watching a version of The Good, . . .

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The Unviewed Review: Transformers 2

I haven’t actually seen Transformers 2 — in fact, no one has, as it’s not out yet. Or maybe it’s out now?

Anyhow, a few missing details is no good reason for failing to write a quality review.

Transformers 2: Rise of the Robots starts out as a small, empty movie, and never quite becomes the whiz-bang giant robot you came to see.

Which brings me to an interesting question: how does a tiny car become a humungoid robot? I mean, how is the mass of a city-crushing machine with its head in the clouds packed into a VW beetle? . . .

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The Unviewed Reviews

Did you guys see Up?

I would say it’s easily one my favorite movies this year, but that’s beside the point. I guess the question I really want to ask is, did you read any of the reviews for Up?

Here’s a few excerpts from Up‘s metacritic page. See if you find anything in common in the language, beyond the fact that most critics seem to adore it.

A captivating odd-couple adventure that becomes funnier and more exciting as it flies along.– Variety

A lovely, thoughtful, and yes, uplifting adventure.– Entertainment Weekly

Rousing, exhilarating entertainment.– . . .

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