Coming up in August, I have the terrifying opportunity to take a helicopter ride down into the Grand Canyon (it’s an integral part of my two friends’ Vegas wedding).
When I say “opportunity” I mean “Oh my God is that safe?” I’m just starting to fly — in airplanes — with a relaxed white-knuckle grip on the tray table in front of me. But helicopters? Like in ‘Nam?
I decided to do some Interweb searchings to still my beating heart. Surely, helicopters are extremely safe contraptions to routinely defy the laws of physics like they do. I tried googling “helicopter safety.”
Don’t try this at home. I landed at www.helicoptersafety.org, and this is the Web banner that greeted me:
There are a few problems with this Web banner. Perhaps you can spot them, “Where’s Waldo” like.
First and foremost in my mind, was that the helicopter pictured is not in the air. And it is not safe on a landing pad, either. It appears to be “resting” on the surface of a lake, which is not the optimal end result of my preferred landing procedure.
Next is the “Y” in “Helicopter Safety.” The “Y” has fallen off the word “Safety,” and is cracked in half. Helicopters, apparently, do not put the “Y” in “Safety.”
And lastly, but certainly not least, is the banner’s tagline: “Let’s Stay Alive!” Don’t get me wrong, I agree with the sentiment. In fact, this is a rousing affirmation of just the thing I want to do on my helicopter journey. But I’d rather staying alive be more of a given, and not so much a lofty goal.
I foolishly proceeded past the banner to the rest of the site, which consists almost entirely of botched helicopter landing videos, YouTube style. Botched helicopter landing videos are immensely captivating to someone afraid of botched helicopter landings (OK, we could crash this way. . . or like that . . . interesting . . .), but have sort of the opposite effect of what I was looking for.
After watching the videos, the Web banner makes total sense to me.