Injuries Sustained Whilst Moving from Minneapolis to Oak Park, IL

1. Ragged gash on palm from futon’s splintered wood while carrying outside for yard sale.
2. Single cat claw to bared nipple while stuffing cat into cat carrier.
3. Bruised ego after resorting to pliers to remove key from new apartment door lock.
4. Wallet hole from two parking tickets in twelve hours while parked in front of new residence.
5. Acute second thoughts re: moving to new street with Draconian parking restrictions.
6. Pangs of regret at not pausing to put shirt on before stuffing cat into cat carrier.
7. Strained chest muscles from carrying two boxes of books at once from one room to the next.
8. Cluttered kitchen from giant mound of flattened cardboard boxes and no cardboard recycling nearby.
9. Environmental guilt from stuffing giant mound of cardboard in Dumpster.
10. Fear that, if band-aid over single nipple discovered, people will assume embarrassing sex life.

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