Lip Ferret

Yesterday marked one week that Pulao has been in India, while I’ve remained in Minneapolis.

So far, things are deteriorating rapidly. Last night, I had beef jerky for dinner. I’ve also decided that growing a goatee is a good idea, even though my face lacks the proper follicles to support manly hair growth. I’ve even looked into the mirror, rubbed my budding peach-fuzz goatee with two fingers and mused, “Mustache . . . ?” Uh-oh.

A week may seem fast to have descended into the depths of mustache-musing, but remember: I work at home. I may not see another living thing for days, outside of a particularly sharp-toothed cat.

The beginning of the endThere was an unfortunate mustache-growing incident a few years back . This was the only known instance in history where growing a mustache made someone look younger; I transformed myself, through the magic of facial hair, into a scruffy 14-year old.

My friends and fellow apostrophes Duodecad and dbay made no mention of the budding goatee Saturday night. Either they were used to the more robust, Hemingway-esque style of beard that Duodecad seems to so easily sport, and didn’t actually notice my “beard,” or else they realized that, in polite society, it’s best to pretend that nothing had happened.

I’ve resolved not to go down the dark path of my friend Ian, whose wife Anika has been gone for several weeks, teaching kids at a summer camp. Ian, he confessed, recently slept on the couch with all his clothes on. Why? Why not, he said.

Crazy. But the more I think about it, why not, indeed? The bed is rather large nowadays, and who needs the hassle of undressing, and then dressing again in the morning? The couch, clothes on . . . I like it!

7 Responses to Lip Ferret

  1. Phil says:

    I have also dabbled in the wonder of the psuedo-goatee, an I tell you: It is not worth it. Because for the two women who think it’s kind of ‘bohemian’ you still get everyone else who thinks that you’re a child molester. I don’t know why, but that’s the way it goes for those of us with sparse facial hair. There should be a study on this, but I don’t know who to write to get it done.

  2. Matt says:

    I don’t usually shave on the weekends – pure laziness. And even on Monday morning, after three days of unimpeded growth, my facial hair is still invisible to the naked eye. So I can’t even call that “attempting to grow a goatee.”

  3. Duodecad says:

    I often try the don’t shave on weekends trick and am faced with painful repercussions. I can either continue to use my electric shaver, and have it yank (with extraordinarily painful efficiency) out the hair it can’t easily cut OR because I never leave enough time on a Monday morning, I can try a quick wet shave with a blade and bloody myself silly.

    You molester lookalikes don’t know how good you have it.

  4. t-possum says:

    actually kris it ain’t that bad. from the pic you at least have linkage from the stache to the chin which many don’t. the only way to get a proper tee is to have the uncomfortable middle period for it to all grown in. unfortunately you might feel like a pederast for that time . . . but being a married man you can feel comfortable in your relationship and wear pink shirts whilst growing strange facial hair. keep up the good fight! soon you will look like a young lenin!

  5. dbay says:

    You didn’t notice me chuckling when you walked in?

  6. Unwit says:

    “I work at home. I may not see another living thing for days, outside of a particularly sharp-toothed cat.”

    . . . and INSIDE a cat, it’s too dark to see anything. [Humor pilfered from what famous author?]

    Nice face ferret! Wait, can a 14-year-old BE a child molester? Not certain of the law on this point, probably varies by state.

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