The Discovery Channel is running a documentary tonight about the 1981 lynching of Michael A. Donald in Mobile, AL.

(Mobile is my home town, where my mom and dad still live. I didn’t like living in Mobile, but just because of its suburban ickiness—I didn’t know I had other reasons to get out of there, like a disturbingly recent history of Klan violence.)

Michael Donald was a 19-year old African American who ended up the random recipient—and medium—of the Klan’s usual message of murder and hate. Two Klansmen beat Michael Donald, slit his . . .

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I use the word “performance” loosely. I’ve seen soap opera stars that were more convincing.  She could certainly star in her own reality TV show, though.  I mean, it’s a perfect set-up.  Like the scantily clad beach bunnies “surviving” in the jungles of Brazil, or the strangely attractive kids (each in a different but ultimately photogenic way) working, playing and living in “The Real World.”  In fact, I think SP is starring in the wildly popular “Who Will Be America’s Next President?”   She plays the plucky, wise-beyond-her-years newcomer, McSame plays the crotchety but soft-hearted Colonel, and Trig is the next Lion King (honestly, weren’t . . .

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Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader . . .

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I can’t decide who Barack Obama should choose as his running mate.

I’m sure he’s on the edge of his seat, waiting for my call, but I’ve got nothing to tell him yet. Ken Rudin at NPR discusses the pros and cons of Mrs. Clinton, and a short-list of other possibilities, including Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano, Sen. Claire McCaskill of Missouri, New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware, and Sen. Jim Webb of Virginia, among others.

Who do you think it’s gonna be? Who do you think . . .

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Had to post this video; just for the madness of typing that title.