Injuries Sustained Whilst Moving from Minneapolis to Oak Park, IL

1. Ragged gash on palm from futon’s splintered wood while carrying outside for yard sale.
2. Single cat claw to bared nipple while stuffing cat into cat carrier.
3. Bruised ego after resorting to pliers to remove key from new apartment door lock.
4. Wallet hole from two parking tickets in twelve hours while parked in front of new residence.
5. Acute second thoughts re: moving to new street with Draconian parking restrictions.
6. Pangs of regret at not pausing to put shirt on before stuffing cat into cat carrier.
7. Strained chest muscles from carrying two boxes of books at once from one room to the next.
8. Cluttered kitchen from giant mound of flattened cardboard boxes and no cardboard recycling nearby.
9. Environmental guilt from stuffing giant mound of cardboard in Dumpster.
10. Fear that, if band-aid over single nipple discovered, people will assume embarrassing sex life.

2 Responses to Injuries Sustained Whilst Moving from Minneapolis to Oak Park, IL

  1. ian says:

    When I got an MRI they told me to take out any metal piercings I had. I said “okay, done” because I don’t have any. Then the nurse said “that would include any genital piercings or metal adornments.” I chuckled nervously for a second and then made eye-contact and realized that she was not kidding. She thought there was some chance that I had metal affixed to, through, or around my genitals! I mumbled a curt “got it, we’re okay” and laid down. She lifted her eyebrows a millimeter, THEN SHE SHRUGGED! Why did she shrug? WHAT? What do I look like? Why the the shrug? What the hell is going on here?

    I still haven’t really gotten over that.

  2. Jayashree says:

    clawed nipple AND bruised chest muscles AND splinter gash might lead to quite a few other assumptions, old chap. But a good way to distract people from your anti-environment and parking faux pas.

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *