Not-Quite-Ready-For-McSweeney’s Lists

Do you ever read McSweeney’s Internet Tendency? It’s funny, you should check it out: especially the lists.

The McSweeney’s humorous list, some friends of mine and I were thinking, has become a genre all its own. And it seems many a dabbler in the Intarwebs has submitted a list to McSweeney’s and been rejected. A casual inquiry turned up four instances, one of them being me.

But reading my friends’ lists, and rereading my own McSweeney’s reject, made me realize that, although they missed publication due to hard luck, I was very glad McSweeney’s had the wisdom to pass mine by. So I had to make a new one, which I will get rejected sometime in the future.

Without further ado, 12apostrophes’ list of McSweeney’s reject lists:

Top Five Numbers
By Dingus

1). 1

2). 2

3). 3

4). 5

5). 4

Worst Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Choices:
By Eric Nolan

“If you think that Sergeant Slaughter should charge ahead without really thinking it through, turn to page 76.”

“If you think that it would be a good thing to explore the dense jungle on your own without a guide, by all means, turn to page 25.”

“If you would like to follow Deathman into the cave, turn to page 199.”

“If you think inside the treasure chest was a stash of pristine Middle Eastern pornos, turn to page 135.”

“If you are only curious as to know the most gruesome ending, turn to page 90.”

”If you are undecided at this point of the story what should occur, welcome to my world and turn to, I don’t know, page 13.”

”If you would like to ignore all the foreshadowing that I’ve intricately woven into the text, turn to page 55.”

“If you think that Encyclopedia Brown would be foolish to turn down a free sex party, turn to page 2.”

Semi-Droll Listservs That I Maintain:
by Donnie Boman

Lacanian-Marxist readings of ancient Sumerian texts LacMarxSumer-lserv@lacmarxsumer.com

Chihuhahua owners for revolutionary social justice cofrsj-list@cofrj.org

Obama-Perot 2008 obamerot08-L@obamerot.com

Vendors who make great Tabouleh without mint, united vwmgtwmu-L@taboulehminus.net

Droll ideological bullet lists DIBL-list@macsswain.org

Other Titles of Lists McSweeney’s Has Rejected:
By Kris

Thing My Boss Said That Made Me Mad Last Week, I Don’t Know Why

Links to My Blog

Name of Observable Star Cluster in Quadrant M49 or Word I Just Made Up?

Smelly Facts about Races, Religions, and Nationalities Other than Mine

That Thing that Happened Yesterday that Was Funny But Won’t Be Soon? 36 Things About That

Captions to Funny Cat Pictures (Without the Pictures)

What I Have in My Pocket that I Shouldn’t

Pet Names for My Mother

Methods of Suicide I’ve Contemplated if I Don’t Get Accepted into McSweeneys