This is why you should always put the lid down

I fell down in the bathroom last week. In my apartment, this is actually quite an accomplishment, since the bathroom is only slightly larger than our refridgerator, and the walls pressing in on you tend to restrict any kind of movement.

I went down due to vertigo, which I don’t usually suffer from, but my inner ear was all wonky from a cold. I’d had a cold for about a week and a half, and I was so tired of having a stuffed head, I’d become kind of liberal about my nose-blowing. None of this polite sniffling demurely into a tissue. I was trumpeting like an elephant, in the desperate hope that I could breathe though my nose for 3 or 4 seconds before it filled up with snot again.

This nose-blowing is some dangerous stuff. Apparently I upset the delicate pressure balance between inner and outer ear because, after hearing a pop and a crackle, the bathroom spun like I was back in my college dormroom.

I was fine after a couple of minutes, but the lasting damage was that, between flinging my hands to my ears and going down on one knee, I managed to knock my glasses into the toilet. If falling down in my tiny bathroom was an accomplishment, this was the coup de grace.

I didn’t have a lot of options. My hand would have to go into the toilet. That was obvious. I could have looked around for some kind of stick. Or claw. If I had a claw. But I wasn’t thinking straight (a claw?!) and it seemed like the longer my glasses stayed in the toilet, the worse they became. Like they were melting in there — or getting dirtier, some kind of clause in the 2-second rule.

I got them out and put ’em in the sink. I washed my hands, a lot. I looked at my glasses. I washed my hands again. My glasses just sat there. One more hand wash. My eyesight seemed to improve by the minute. Did I really even need glasses? I mean, really?

I ran them under scalding water for a long time. Then I steadied my nerves with a stiff drink, closed my eyes, and stuffed them back onto my face.

There’ll be dire consequences, I’m sure. I’ll let you know.

7 Responses to This is why you should always put the lid down

  1. Duodecad says:

    I had a similar vertigo moment in the very same bathroom, except I fell backwards and my glasses stayed on. My incident was probably far more dangerous, in that I could have snapped my head back on the floor, but I think it was preferable to your experience.

    It did make me question the whole practice of standing. Sure in public it makes perfect sense, but it seems totally ridiculous in your own home. Not to mention dangerous and, I guess, potentially worse than that.

  2. Kirsten says:

    My husband has a story about a guy who dropped his cell phone in a public toilet (no lids.) His hand went in so fast it would make your head spin. I say that must have been one expensive phone to elicit such a response. I would be seriously rethinking just how important it was to stay in touch. I mean really. I can remember the day when phones had dials and cords and were stuck to the wall. Would it really be so bad?

  3. Anirban says:

    The coment above is scary. The thought of losing my cellphone in ANY toilet ensures that I empty all my pockets when I’m in there…knowldege that it actually happened to someone is going to make it worse. I thought the Trainspotting sequence was bad.

    Y’know Kris, if you were to become a crimefighting vigilante / superhero…this would be how you got your “see through the shit” vision. All you need is a cool superhero name and tagline…like say Captain Fine Print – Reads through the crappy ads or Mr Scrutiny – Nemesis of Spin, or the Amazing Anti-Crap – Challenger of Goverment information departments.

  4. Aakaash says:

    I want what Anirban is smoking…

  5. Jayashree says:

    I just heard a story on Fox 9 (the source of all real news) on whether cell phones are dirtier than toilets. The answer: yes. Your toilet–and glasses–are probably not as infested with gross bacteria as your cell phone. So as long as you keep the phone away from the glasses, and your face, you’re okay 🙂

  6. Kris says:

    You know what-else is dirtier than toilet water? Ice-cubes from your favorite fast-food chain.

    A 12-year old’s science project proved the point in South Florida (checking both ice and toilet water from the same fast-food restaurants). The ice contained E. Coli, while the toilet water was surprisingly bacteria-free.

    This is why they have those signs in the bathrooms, people, about the employees, the hand-washing, and the “before returning to work” part.

    Sigh. I’m off to drink out of the toilet.

  7. karah says:

    No wonder cats drink out of the toilet.

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