E-mails driving me to sex-change operation

As you might know, my name is Kris. And I’m a guy. It’s short for Kristoffer. (Actually, if you’re reading this, you most certainly know these things unless you are very unobservant, as 110% of people reading this are either a friend, relative, or both.)

But I just found something out — Kris is a girl’s name.

A big part of my job includes inviting people to speak at conferences. And nobody knows who the hell I am. Here are some recent e-mail replies I’ve gotten (rest assured, I do sign my e-mails with my actual name, “Kris”).

This one is, after 27 years, beyond expected:

Hi Chris,

It looks OK to me.

Nobody spells the name “Kris” with a “K”. So that author is forgiven.

Weirder is this:

Hi Kevin. I submitted . . . that I thought would be widely popular.

He probably just mixed me up with my brother Kevin. Who he’s never met.

Still weirder is this:


I would be pleased to present . . . in Denver.

All I can think is that he read “Kris,” thought “girl,” and then just replaced the name with whatever he thought I should be called.

These are from two different authors:

Karen, No problem on the revision.


Karen –


I should really take the hint and go by “Karen” from now on.

Finally, here are two replies (in chronological order) from the same author:


Please include the following in your upcoming enewsletters . . .



Can you confirm you received this and you have what is needed for the next enewsletter?


I’ve thought about this for way longer than I should’ve: She knew I was a “Kris” through e-mail, then we spoke on the phone, she heard (from my manly voice) that I was of the male persuasion, then (who’s heard of a boy named “Kris”?) she changed my name to Kevin.


3 Responses to E-mails driving me to sex-change operation

  1. dbay says:

    Karen, I don’t have much to say other than that this is so bloody funny.

    And clearly, to stay a man, you should become Kevin Steinman.

  2. Kirsten says:

    Oh, Kris, just be glad Mom didn’t go with on of the wierder names she was considering for you. You could have been Kendrick-eww, or Keagan, Konnor or Kirby- all equally ick. (apologies to any Kendricks, Keagans, Konnors and Kirbys who might be reading this) Of course the truly bizarre names she reserved for her girls.

  3. Kris says:

    Come on. You’re screwing with me, right? Nobody is named “Konnor” with a “K”. I mean “Kris” with a “K,” of course. Perfectly natural. But Keagan? There but for the grace of God go I . . .

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