The Unviewed Review: Transformers 2

I haven’t actually seen Transformers 2 — in fact, no one has, as it’s not out yet. Or maybe it’s out now?

Anyhow, a few missing details is no good reason for failing to write a quality review.

Transformers 2: Rise of the Robots starts out as a small, empty movie, and never quite becomes the whiz-bang giant robot you came to see.

Which brings me to an interesting question: how does a tiny car become a humungoid robot? I mean, how is the mass of a city-crushing machine with its head in the clouds packed into a VW beetle? You know, scientifically? Weird.

In Transformers 2: Machines Unleashed, Earth is a stage for gargantuan robots to bash, shoot, and thunder against each other. The human characters are no more than window dressing, following the thinnest thread of a plot regarding dilithium crystals or kryptonite . . . something the big robot-types need desperately. Right?

The visual effects are stunning only in their decibel level, which is a hallmark of Jerry Bruckheimer or McG or whichever director it is I don’t like that helmed the film.

Not that Transformers the Second: Optimus Prime Strikes Back is wholly without surprises. At the end, just when you think the head Desceptor Khan robot is finally dead, and Shia Le Beuf is finally going to kiss a girl and/or boy, the lead antagonist robot rises back up and/or sets a catastrophic event in motion with his or her dying breath and/or battery.

Spoiler alert! I mean for that last paragraph — forget it if you want not to be spoiled.

When all is said and done, Transformers Part II: Shia’s Choice is pretty much exactly, no more nor less than, that what meets your eyes.

Thanks to Pulao, creator of The Unviewed Review!

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